The Best Lip Service in Town: Tony Roberts

 “You’ve reached the offices of Steven Klein, Murray Simpson, and Robert Montgomery.  We’re sorry we are unable to take your call right now.  Please leave a detailed message with your phone number and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.”


“Uh, yeah.  My name is, well, Joel.  Joel O’Sting.  I’m looking to have a little work done.  Not much, mind you.  Just a little, oh, definition, you might say. Anyway, a friend gave me your number and said you offered the best lip service in town.  Please call me back at  867-5309. Thank you.”


A blond-haired woman in a silky red dress eased into the high-back leather chair, put a headset on, and pushed a button on the phone.  She pursed her lips, then dialed a number.

“Joel O’Sting.”

“Yes, Mr. O’Sting, this is Melody from Klein, Simpson, and Montgomery. I’m returning your call.”

“Good, Melody.  That’s great. Well now, I’m not looking for much. Just a touch-up, really.”

“Okay, sir, what did you have in mind?”

“Oh my. Something not quite Mick Jagger.  Maybe Goldie Hawn in the 70s.  Or even Brooke Shields.”


“Yes Melody.”

“Do you know you’ve contacted Klein, Simpson, and Montgomery, Attorneys-at-Law.”

“Oh dear. My, no.  I thought they were a group of plastic surgeons.  Terribly sorry.”

“No problem.  You have a great day, Mr. O’Sting.”

“You do the same, Melody.  And, um Melody?”

“Yes, Mr. O’Sting.”

“You wouldn’t know the best place to get some lip service, would you?  I mean, genuine lip service.”

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t, sir.”

Melody touched her tongue to her lips and smiled.

Words: 270

Author Bio:

I am a balding middle-aged Midwesterner with an unquiet mind and a way with words. John Prine is my muse and Iris Dement is my soul mate (they just don’t know it yet). I plan to publish my spiritual memoir – “Delight in Disorder: Meditations from a Bipolar Mind” in the coming year.

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